i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
