so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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