I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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