I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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