Rock
Scissors
Fuck
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
