Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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