I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
