I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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