I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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