Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
