You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
