I didn't shave. On purpose
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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