you guys were way drunker than both of me
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
