I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
