kristin has been a bad kristin
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
