We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
