God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
