she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
vagina is talking i cant
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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