i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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