Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
