No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
