I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
