i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
