A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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