Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
