After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
