Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
