Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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