I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
