I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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