drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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