if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
