I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I would fuck him just for his dog
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
