dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
