the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
