omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
