I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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