I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
