Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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