And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
