Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
