you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
