New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
