good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize