As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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