I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
