thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
my shit smells like andre
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize