i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
