My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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