Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize