I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
