so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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