Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
