I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
