we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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