just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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