I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
