Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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