Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
