well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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