Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
