There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
