So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You can't special order awesome
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
